seven hours in new york
by Salmon Cat
Summary: Sam and Cat meet for the first time in five years since a dramatic fallout in Los Angeles. Set in New York City, we follow the two's sudden reunion as they try to deal with how much the both of them had grown, apart. But they don't have much time—seven hours, in fact—to catch up and fix what's broken. [A Puckentine love story. Non-linear.]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I was going to keep this until much later, but I've been working on this and I'm having a lot of fun with it, so I thought I'd share it much earlier. I developed the idea from a one-shot I had in mind about Cat's graduation and what would happen to Puckentine. Now it's a full-on drama and I intend to write this to its finish.**

**I will try to update this weekly!**

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**2pm**

New York City sure looks nice this time of day. It was a lot better last night, though, with all the lights and the yellow cabs and the people walking around. It's crazy how everyone in this city seems to know where they're going, like whenever they step off a cab, they have a clear destination in mind. I couldn't have that kind of life even if I followed my therapist's advice of making to-do lists. Who even follows their to-do lists?

I wondered why I didn't just head to New York several years ago, after iCarly ended. Why I settled for Los Angeles instead. I shook my head as I pushed past some random young couple walking close to each other. I knew why, and I shouldn't even be thinking of that right now. Not while I'm here... Not today.

"Sam?"

The voice came from behind me, I was sure, but for some reason it felt like it came from inside my head too. Distant and soft, like some vague memory of a lost yesterday. I stopped walking, but I didn't dare turn around. Didn't dare... I don't know why I didn't dare to. Did I really not dare to turn around in a street, just because some stranger probably recognized me from iCarly? What was that inexplicable fear that crept inside, that strange, eerie feeling as the sound of my name reached my ears, echoing in my head? Why fear?

"Sam, it _is_ you!"

My heart stopped. The oxygen in my lungs jammed midway; suddenly it felt like I was inhaling everything toxic the city could offer me. The smoke from the passing cars and the smoke from cigarettes being lit somewhere in dark alleys or some artsy coffee shop. I couldn't breathe, but I was inhaling everything else. It hurt.

I knew that voice. It greeted me with the ferocity of a lost childhood item being found in a dusty attic. I turned around, slowly, and for the first time in probably four or so years, my eyes met those big brown eyes. I quickly dropped my horrified gaze, taking in the rest of the sight. That tanned skin, those little arms, that stupid dimple on her face... But her hair, why wasn't it red? It's all brown and dark, and very unlike her.

Of course, if I had seen the red hair, those long bouncy curls of red velvet, I would have walked away. I would have recognized it right away. Maybe even run, too. A buzz started ringing in my head, the inevitable white noise. Why? Why would I have run if I'd known it was her? I could vaguely remember the days I woke up in our contrasting bedroom, seeing her on her stupid pink bed in the pink side of the room. I could remember the various kinds of children we had to put up with, but I couldn't remember this quiet fear inside me. Why was I so afraid of meeting Cat Valentine?

**...**

_The rain was pouring hard that day. How it could have rained that heavily in Los Angeles, I still don't know. Maybe it was Mother Nature being wicked, fate being its usual cruel self. Maybe it was just my stupid, dumb luck. I sure looked stupid, driving on my motorcycle with freakin' goggles, my leather gloved hands gripped tightly on the handlebars. It seemed like the rain was trying to push my hands away from the motorcycle. Heck, maybe that would have been a better ending..._

**...**

"What... Cat? I-I mean... Y-You... What are you doing here?" I spluttered. My stupid voice came out something like a gasp. We were standing there in some street in New York City, some feet apart because the stupid little fear inside me wouldn't allow me to take any steps closer. She stood there, her arm linked with the unknown dude's.

Maybe that's what stopped me from recognizing her, too. The ridiculous fact that I hadn't expected her to be walking around with some guy, let alone in a big city like New York.

Cat stood there, giggling. "I'm just trying to look for a fur coat," she explained. "Chase needs one for tonight's show." She nudged the man next to her with her shoulder. It kind of dawned on me how tall she's gotten. The man, Chase, he looked me up and down, like he was trying to determine if I was worth stopping in a street for. And then he smiled and nodded at me, something I took as an approval. Sort of.

I took a step forward. Closer. Around us, the pedestrians walking by seemed rather annoyed by my unfortunate reunion with Cat. They walked deliberately around us, forming this weird, untouchable circle surrounding me, Cat, and her company. Unfortunate? Why unfortunate? My head felt really uncoordinated.

"No, I meant, what are you doing here," I emphasized, my eyebrows raised. "In New York?"

"Well, I work here," she grinned, her arm waved airily in a wide circle, gesturing at the city. "I act, and I sing, and I get paid a lot of money!"

Of course. Why couldn't I guess that graduating from Hollywood Arts would mean these kids would probably end up hot and popular in big cities like New York? Why couldn't I anticipate the possibility of meeting Cat Valentine in New York? Most importantly, why did I ever agree to going to New York when home would have been safer? My head was starting to hurt with all the internal questions I was asking myself, but I couldn't find it in me to move. To walk away and forget it ever happened. Why safer? Why would have home been safer? So many questions, and no answers. I felt like I was just fine that day, exploring the city, until I met her. Like the moment she'd said my name was a trigger of unexplained emotions and doubt. It felt like I lost myself at that moment.

I stood there, my feet rooted to the sidewalk, unable to move. Unable, or unwilling?

**...**

_"Sam, where are you? It's starting!" Cat's voice yelled at me from my Pear Phone, but I'm still not even sure if that was all she said. I couldn't really hear much over the sound of the thundering rain. Plus, I had a motorcycle to drive and not crash in. I still think that would have been a better ending, though._

_But who am I lying to? A better ending would have been if I had made it to Hollywood Arts, safely. To Cat's graduation. I mean, I did promise. That would have been a spectacular ending. Me arriving soaking wet on my motorcycle, just in time to see her on stage, accepting her certificate or whatever they give you in high school graduations... That would have been one heck of an ending._

**...**

"Where are you headed?" Cat asked.

"Uhh, I'm actually heading back home," I replied, chucking my thumb to some random direction. Which way was Seattle from where I stood, I didn't know. "I got a flight to catch tonight."

"To Seattle?" she smiled, her eyebrows up. There was an eagerness in her question, like she really wanted to know. She was probably itching to head back home and talk to Chase about me. About what happened between us back in Los Angeles...

But I nodded. She guessed right. Seattle _was_ home. It had always been. I never should have bothered with thinking otherwise.

"Why doesn't she join us for lunch?" Chase finally spoke. God, he even had an English accent. His arm finally let go of Cat's. He gestured to some building feet away from where we stood. "We're planning to try out the pasta there, have you been? We hear it's brilliant."

They were speaking in terms of "us" and "we", too. I didn't have time to actually take a look at the building, though, when Cat spoke up, standing excitedly on tiptoe. "Ooh, that'd be great, Sam _loves_ pasta!"

I could have ran away then. Turned on my heels and stormed off like I didn't know them. I could have yelled something out loud about them getting the wrong person. But instead I stood there, my stupid face smiling awkwardly. I stood there and I nodded.

Cat clasped her hands together and kind of squealed. Couldn't she see how uncomfortable I was? I didn't remember her being so insensitive and so tall and brunette and just... different. But I guess I couldn't blame her. She wasn't the only one who changed, and I guess I should have known too.

**...**

_Vroom, vroom. The roar of my motorcycle's engine still echoes in my head to this day. I remember still how it made me feel alive, like I was off somewhere doing something important. In retrospect, I guess attending Cat's graduation was something important._

_I remember I was nearly there. Just two more corners and I'd have arrived, my glorious entrance all planned out. I'd memorized what corny joke I was gonna say to Cat too. And then I saw him. Brown hair with a fancy striped shirt, collars kind of up. He was walking with his arm hugging tight to an umbrella, barely holding on. His other hand held on to his Pear Phone, his thumb furiously scrolling._

_Freddie Benson was in L.A., roaming the streets, and as soon as the realization hit me, I guess something else did too. There was a loud screech and a bunch of honks. And then my head hit something, and everything faded to black._

_So much for an ending, huh? But calm down... We're not even there yet._

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**So I don't normally ask for reviews, but for this one in particular, I'd actually appreciate any kind of feedback or opinion on how the story is going so far, because this is an idea I'm actually really excited about, and I'd just like to know if I should keep the story going (probably a sequel or something) or end it when it ends. I realize you'd probably need a few more chapters to really see if you want more from this, but maybe let me know how well (or unwell) this did in terms of first impression? **

**Do you feel like you want to know what's next, and what happened? Just, tiny things like that.**

**Uhh, yeah, so reviews would be really helpful! Please, and thank you? : )**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This chapter's slightly longer than the first, and I suspect the next few are going to be just as long. I know the story's still kind of scattered right now, but I promise it'll all add up soon! I promise a lot of romance and drama and angst, so do bear with me for now : ) **

**Enjoy!**

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**3pm**

You'd think after all those times I watched her giggle and smile, I'd have been used to it by then. But there I was, sitting opposite her and Chase in a fancy little restaurant in New York, watching and listening to them talk about how good last week's show was, or how badly their director treated them. It's amazing what five years did, she just seemed so _different_. Even her normally obvious dimple seemed to me like a ghost of what it once was. Like it used to be so much more, and now it was just one of her many defining features. Or maybe it was the other way around. Maybe it was the fact that I used to overlook those so much that now that I was seeing her for the first time in a while, everything seemed like a big deal.

Not to mention her hair. It kind of surprised me how bothered I was by the fact that it was no longer red. It felt like an angry, definite statement, meant to tell me, "It's _over_. The Cat Valentine you once knew, she's not here anymore." And I guess that's rather dramatic, but I couldn't help thinking that way. It's most likely true, too. My head was starting to hurt just thinking of all those things, of all these pressing questions, all coming out of nowhere. I guess I should have taken my medicine with me, listened to my therapist, but I was determined to explore New York City without feeling like a mindless zombie, thank you.

"So, uh, what happened to the hair?" I asked when they finally stopped talking.

A young waitress dressed in black and white walked over to serve us our food. I looked up at her to thank her, but I froze instead. She had red hair. Sure, it wasn't as eye-catching as Cat's was. It was kind of subtle, even, and I probably shouldn't have reacted that way, but all that red in such close proximity kind of shocked me.

"Oh, it's not real," Cat replied, tugging lightly on the strands of brown behind her ear. "It's a wig I'm supposed to wear for my performances. They take a long time to put on so I said, 'Why not just wear it all the time?'" She shrugged, and began forking her pasta. She ordered carbonara. I ordered bolognese. That was how it used to be too.

"You should see her onstage, she's brilliant," Chase commented, looking fondly over at Cat. "It's hard, you know, performing with a wig that heavy."

"I used to fall around a lot during practice," Cat told me, her face gleeful. "Now I'm pretty good with our dance numbers and stuff."

I raised my eyebrows and nodded to show her I was impressed. And I guess I kind of was. Who would have thought someone like Cat could end up in a city so big, earning money from doing what she always loved? My mind trailed back to that day with the garbage truck and her Nonna leaving, how helpless and dependent she seemed on the people around her. I supposed she wasn't like that anymore. Did New York change her, or was it something—or someone—else completely? Was it Chase, maybe?

"You should come to the show!" Cat gasped, her eyes widening, her mouth open wide. She looks at me expectantly, her hands clasped in front of her chest again. "It's our last show tonight!"

"Ah, yes," Chase added. "Cat's auditioning for a whole new role next week," he explained to me, gesturing at Cat. Like _I_ was the stranger in the conversation. Like I was the third person. Like I didn't know who Cat was. "It's going to be brilliant."

Was everything just _brilliant_ to him? I remember thinking that. He made me so angry inside. I just didn't show it because I didn't want to upset Cat again. I don't know why I would feel that way because really, I shouldn't be owing Cat anything. We hadn't met in years, I guess that was enough to erase the friendship we had. Why did I find Cat so intimidating all of a sudden when it used to be other way around?

**...**

_I swung the door to the living room open. It kind of slammed hard against the wall before bouncing back, but I held it in place, leaning on my crutch. My left leg, wrapped in an unnecessary cast, a souvenir from the crash, is bent awkwardly at the knee._

_There they were, Cat and her "best friend" Robbie, chilling on the couch. Robbie Shapiro. Puppet boy and his stupid glasses. I could take him out with one hit, if I had to. Maybe I should have, for more effect._

_Cat stood up immediately, instinctively. I stayed there by the door, eyeing them. Squinting. "What's he doin' here?" I asked. I didn't even look at him._

_"Where've you been?" Cat asked, soft and gentle as always._

_Her delicate little voice irked me that day. How could she talk to me like that after what happened the day before? After our argument, after all that shouting and all that crying she did? I wanted to throw my crutch aside and limp towards her, grab her by the little shoulders and shake her. Shake her awake. How could you, how could you?_

**...**

"So you... How long have you two known each other?" I asked, tentative.

I watched her face, watched the little smile grow wider. Watched how her eyes met his. Watched how her body swiveled on the spot so she could face him even more. So she could face further away from _me_.

"We were both new to New York," Chase said, smiling. The more I looked at him the more annoyed I got. His light brown hair and fancy stubble, his squared jaws, his blue eyes. I guess it was a major upgrade from that nerd she used to like so much, but it kind of pissed me off anyway.

I wanted to pick up my cola and throw it to his face or something. I didn't want him to be the one in charge of the story. I wanted Cat to talk. To talk to _me_. I wanted to hear the story from her point of view, in the hopes that maybe it would piss me off less, or maybe even not at all.

"I was looking for a place to stay, and he was too," Cat joined in. "And that's how we kind of started talking to each other, I guess. He actually helped me get my first theater job here!"

Of course. The old help-each-other, newbie kind of budding friendship. And then roommates. And then God knows what. That was fine to me, I guess. _I_ was there first. So the setting wasn't as romantic as New York. So we met in garbage. So what? I thought it was pretty rad. And I would have said so if I weren't so conflicted inside. The whole time we were sitting there in the restaurant, my head kept reeling back to these vague memories of my time in Los Angeles. It was almost like I wasn't even sure if the things in my head happened or not, which was really stupid of me, because how could I even forget any of the things that happened?

"So then—" I began, my voice raising, my heart racing.

"Oh, Chase," Cat said, clapping her hand onto Chase's arm. Cutting me off. She cut me off when I was that loud, when I was right in front of her. Was that the extent of how much I must have upset her? My mind was reeling, churning for answers to why I could have been thinking like that, that I'd upset her. It was like groping in the dark, though. I couldn't remember why, or what I could have done to upset her. The one thing I know is that we did part on pretty bad terms, but as far I could remember, it was her that upset _me_... "Chase, tell Sam about your girlfriend!"

**...**

_"Cat, would you tell your girlfriend to calm down?" Robbie yelled as I threw my crutch aside. It knocked over some vase or lamp or one of the many things I stole from the set of that stupid show. What show was it? God, I find it hard to remember even now. _

_I'm not even sure now about what started my outrage. When my crutch left me, my weight fell onto the whole of my left leg. It hurt like hell, and I would have yelped or ouched, but to be honest, the pain was slightly better than the screaming going on in my head at the time._

_The vase or lamp or whatever fell to the floor and shattered. It was symbolic, I should have seen it. Me doing something idiotic and resulting in breaking a perfectly good relationship._

_"She's not my girlfriend!" Cat exclaimed. Her voice had lost the usual airiness, and it took me so much by surprise, I couldn't say anything then. I couldn't even look her in the eye even though I was furiously glaring and fuming at her._

_There you go._

_"W-what?" Robbie stuttered. He looked even more powerless without his smartass puppet in his hand. God, I could have just swung a half-hearted punch, that'd knock him right down. "But you just told me -"_

_"Sam's got a boyfriend," Cat added. She turned to look at me, frowning. Her eyes stared at me, all intense. All hurt and sad. She was daring me to deny it, I knew. I know it now too, and I still wonder sometimes what would have happened if I denied it. I guess it wouldn't have been much of a difference, but denying would have meant I was at least telling some truth._

**...**

I sat there, staring at the two of them, smiling and grinning at each other, and then at me. It was kind of hard to believe they really weren't _together_, if you ask me now. There was just so much... So much going on between the two. Something invisible, something in between the smiling and the grinning. And the touching. God, the touching. I guessed it was an actor thing, to have chemistry with the person you're working with, even offstage. But still, it kind of annoyed me how close they seemed, even if they weren't dating.

"His girlfriend makes the _best_ cookies!" Cat exclaimed, her eyes popping at me. Alive and excited and just all... Happy. Geez, she must have really found home in New York. But then again, someone like her, she could probably find home anywhere if she'd just surround herself with the right people.

"She's brilliant, really," Chase said, nodding to himself.

For some reason then, I started thinking of that one time she tried introducing me to her friends, that one time I decided I wouldn't like them. Especially that nerd. But Cat, she was so open. She was telling all her friends about all the little crazy things we went through as babysitters, about the time we argued over the decoration in our room. She never even got to meet _my_ friends.

"So, your show, tonight," I asked, "What's it about?"

**...**

_"Why are you so angry at me?" Cat yelled as I stomped through the living room all the way to the kitchen. To hell with the broken leg, I thought. I just didn't care anymore. "Why is she so angry at me?" She yelled again out of frustration, to Robbie this time._

_"You know why," I screamed, spit flying from my mouth._

_"I should be angry!" Cat retaliated. "I should be so angry right now, you don't even know!"_

_We were going at each other, with Robbie sprawled stupidly between us. So helpless, so useless. He couldn't even calm us down. He just sat there, watching everything fall apart. I guess he must have kind of enjoyed that or something._

_"You know what," I said, my voice dangerously quiet. "Why don't you go be angry, then."_

_"What's that supposed to mean?" Cat asked._

_"It means, bye."_

**...**

"They found my fur coat!" Chase announced, holding up his phone victoriously. It's some brand I don't really know of, but it looks expensive.

"What happened to the fur coat?" I asked, half-curious. Mostly, I was just still in shock and relief to find out that he wasn't with Cat. Although something in my head kind of thought about the possibility of them having a thing or something when they first met. I mean, something must have happened, right?

"One of the guys from backstage dripped white paint on it not too long ago, I've been trying to get a replacement," Chase explained. The more he spoke about things that had nothing to do with Cat, it seemed, the more I grew to like him. "And now I have."

"Yay," Cat cheered, clapping her hands softly.

"Well, I better go now, ladies," Chase said, getting up. "I should go take a look at that coat."

And then we were out of the restaurant. Cat and Chase had insisted on paying, I guess Chase out of his need to feel like a gentleman, and Cat out of habit. I never used to pay for food, I remember that much. But things were slightly different then. It _had_ been five years. We all had time to grow. I didn't finish college, but I had a job. I was earning money. Probably not as much as Cat was, but I was earning all the same. So I guess I kind of took her by surprise when I paid for my own food.

Chase waved an airy goodbye and then walked briskly off to the opposite direction, quickly getting himself a cab.

Being left alone with Cat had never felt so painfully awkward. How long had it been since it was just the two of us, and no one else? Even the last time I saw her, the last time we spoke, it was with someone else around. Someone... _Robbie_. Robbie Shapiro, that freakin' nerd.

"So, what brings Sam Puckle to New York City?" she asked, gazing up at me sweetly. A sweet so intoxicating it should be sickening. But I stared back. I stared back into those innocent brown eyes. Were they still innocent, though? Those eyes I'd once avoided so expertly before finally slamming the door, were they still the same pair of brown I used to adore so much? It occurred to me then how much she's really changed since the last time we were together, brown hair aside. She seems older, more mature, almost. I don't know what I must have looked like to her, but I know it couldn't be good.

I tear my gaze away. "It's Puckett," I reminded.

She giggled and started walking. Subconsciously, I started following. "I know, silly," she said. God, I could hear the mischievous grin in her sweet voice. "I just wanted to make you angry."

"That's nice," I deadpanned. I stopped and looked up at all these tall buildings and skyscrapers, layered with glittering glass windows and metal under the sunlight. Not too long until I'll be leaving here, I thought. Back home. Seattle. "That's real nice."

We walked in silence, side by side but not really touching. I guess four years of separation had created a physical barrier between us. It occurred to me we didn't even hug or shake or anything. Anything to acknowledge what we had. My therapist used to always ask me if I was sure we _had_ something, but I always gave him the same, bored but definite nod. Because we did. I was sure of it. I guess the whole world just didn't want to admit that to me, the whole world including Cat. But _I_ knew what happened.

"You know, I liked you red-headed better," I said, hoping I came off as casual as possible. "It suited you better."

"I liked red too," she smiled. "But I had to do this," she gestured at the wig, "For the job. You know how it is."

But I didn't. I nodded in understanding, but I really didn't know how it was. Why had she changed so much? Why was she so different? Why hadn't anything stayed the way I left them?

"So... Are you here alone?" she asked. We were rounding a corner now.

"Uh, yeah," I nodded. Sure, why not. She didn't have to know. She really didn't. "I wanted to see New York again. The last time I went was with Carly, and like, everyone. Nothing much's changed, though."

"That's cool," she replied. "How's Carly?"

We walked together at an unintentionally steady pace. Right foot, left foot, right foot. I didn't know where I was going, and she didn't too.

I looked at her sideways. Seeing her profile like that, it made me think of how much more grown up she looked. Her face still had its babyface quality lingering where her eyes are, and where her smile goes. But everything else, it seemed so _foreign_ and new to me. Even the way she dressed was too unlike her. There was no trace of pink in her cream colored coat, no pink or purple in her leather boots. Everything about her was just so... Grown up. I wondered if she was still dealing with that Bibble addiction. It was hard to think of that present version of herself as someone who'd still sneak around eating Bibble and saying stupid things.

"Um, Cat," I said. I nearly grimaced from how uncomfortable her name sounded, coming from my mouth like that. It was like trying to say a simple word in a foreign language. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I was just following you."

"Well—_I_ don't know," I said, stopping. She stopped too. "I was on my way back to my hotel when I ran into you. My flight's still at nine, got time to rest and stuff."

"Oh," Cat said, looking down. "Well, what were you planning to do here until your flight? Maybe I could show you around, or something."

I looked around, chewing on my lower lip. "Honestly? I was just going to sleep it off."

**...**

_"Dice, how many times do I have to tell you?" I snapped. "I'm not coming back. Stop calling."_

_"Sam, Cat's doing really bad without you," Dice's high pitched voice whispered into the phone. "Plus, I can't hang around babysitting kids, Goomer needs me!"_

_I sighed. I sighed a lot back then, during those few days when I wandered L.A. and wouldn't come home. Those few days before I left for good. "Look, she's really pissed at me, okay? She probably hates me right now. Just, stop calling. I don't care anymore."_

_"What did you even do, anyway?"_

_"That's none of your business. You're too young. Bye."_

_"No, wait—Sam!"_

_And then I hung up. That was the last time I ever got in touch with anyone from L.A. All the other calls after that, from Dice, from Nonna, even that goth chick, Jade... I ignored them all. It was a decision I came to regret years after, but at the time, I was just angry. And as usual, I wanted the whole world to know I was angry, because that was the one thing I was good at._

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**Next chapter next week, you guys. Hopefully around the time we get the kiss, if that's even in next week's episode, so everyone would be in a Puckentine mood! Anyway, hope you enjoyed this one. Do leave some reviews, I'd love to know what you guys are thinking so far! I have plans for sequels set in other romantic cities like London and Paris, with their storylines and conflicts figured out, but I don't know if that's your kind of thing. I guess that'd be too heavy for a show like Sam and Cat, but I have such a goofy, cutesy storyline for the Paris one...**

**But I digress.**

**I really do hope you enjoyed and are enjoying this so far : )**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Greetings, y'all. Here's your latest in Seven Hours in New York (SHINY! Heheh). **

**I'd just like to thank everyone who's read and reviewed, and I'd just like to say that if you're still invested in the story, still reading this far, this is a heavy chapter. And I mean, real dramatic, shit-goes-down kind of heavy. Nothing M-rated, but still. This is where Freddie Benson's mysterious appearance in L.A. will be explained, you guys. So yeah, a little Seddie, but still very Puckentine oriented.**

**Enjoy : )**

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**4pm**

We walked, hands only centimeters from each other's. I don't know about her, but at the time, I felt this strange tugging at my hands. This invisible force, vibrating lightly around my knuckles. If I'd made even the slightest wrong move, my hand would have met hers. Sometimes I wonder what if I'd just done exactly that. What if, for once, I'd had the courage to do what I actually wanted to do and avoid all that awkwardness. It sure would have skipped all the hassle later on... But still, even the whole situation was rather hard to adjust to. Jay-Z was right, man. New York. These streets _do_ make you feel brand new.

More than brand new, too. It takes everything you think you know about yourself, and about the past, and just sort of mixes it all together, leaving you feeling like you knew nothing. Like all the information you had was inaccurate, like someone messed with the files in your head. Maybe it was New York, but maybe it was Cat Valentine, too.

"So," Cat began, looking at me as we passed a deserted-looking antique store. "What have you been doing since L.A.?"

I shrugged although I wasn't sure if she was still even looking at me. "I've been doing the one thing I've been good at, I guess."

"Ooh," she smiled. "Have you been cruisin' around America like you once told me—like a hippie?"

"What—psh, no!" I retorted, frowning at how silly the idea must have seemed then. "I've been teaching self-defense."

A little bell kind of _ding_'d in my head at what she said, though. I don't know about you, but the word 'once' is a pretty sad word. It makes something feel older than it probably is. And that was how it made me feel, that day. Sad. I didn't know why, too. I mean, I guess I should have felt good about meeting Cat after so many years of not being in contact, right? And yet there was this weird sensation going on in my head. A war of thoughts and questions, and it was all I could do not to blurt them out aloud.

"Have you been teaching people the elbow thing?" she asked as we rounded another corner.

**...**

_I woke up in the hospital seven hours after the stupid motorcycle crash in the rain. I had a bruise near my left eye where my head must have hit... whatever it was, and scratches in some places, but the biggest drag was the broken leg. Even after arguing heatedly with the doctor and the nurses, they wouldn't let me go back home. Said I needed rest, or whatever. When all I wanted to do was contact Cat and apologize to her for not making it to the graduation. She didn't know I'd been brought in to the hospital that day, she wasn't even aware of my little accident._

_But I was wrong. The broken leg was nothing compared to the other, bigger drag. Freddie Benson._

**...**

"Um, that's my hotel," I pointed. We'd been walking for like, half an hour. I don't know why we didn't just get a cab if it was my hotel we were going to, but I guess we didn't really know where we were going.

We slowed to a stop a few feet away from the hotel's entrance. She had her hands stuffed in her coat pockets, and she looked up at me expectantly. "Well," she said, exhaling.

"Well," I repeated, slow and unsure. "Do you... wanna come up?"

She beamed at my words.

"I mean, you know, if I'm going to see your show, I should probably wear something nice or whatever, right?" I added.

"So you're coming to the show?" she asked, her eyebrows raised, her brown eyes aglow.

I fidgeted a little, but tried my best to calmly say, "Yeah, if you want. I've never really seen you sing or act."

"That'd be great," she exclaimed, her figure suddenly reminding me of the times she used to wear frilly pink dresses and just... child-like clothes in general. A few passersby slowed and stared at us as they walked by, probably shocked from Cat's voice.

...

_"What the hell are you doing here?" I screamed, grabbing the pillow under my head and throwing it with perfect accuracy at where Freddie stood. Half of me couldn't believe it was him, standing there at the doorway of my hospital room, with stupid yellow flowers. The other half of me just loathed the sight of him—the fact that it was him who came and not Cat. "Get the hell out of my room!"_

_"Sam, calm down, you're injured," his stupid, croaky, half-done voice replied as he ducked like an idiot with his arms half-raised. "Besides, in case you didn't know, I brought you here!"_

_"I don't care, dumbass, I was supposed to go to my friend's graduation!" I yelled, my voice raised still._

_"I really don't see how that's possible given your unconscious state," Freddie replied, keeping his distance from my bed. "If it makes you feel any better, I missed the graduation too."_

_"Who cares if you missed—wait—what? You were—so you—you were going to the graduation too?" I stuttered, my heart rate unintentionally slowing down._

_"Yeah," Freddie glared. "Hollywood Arts, right?"_

_I nodded, squinting at him, all suspicious. "Why?"_

_"Because," he began, taking a brave step forward. "I was going to see a friend of mine I've been chatting with online, and we'd promised to meet up on her graduation day because I've been helping her out with school work this past year."_

_"It's a her?" I asked incredulously._

_"Yeah," he shrugged._

_Silence. I avoided his stupid concerned gaze while the bouquet of yellow flowers stayed in his hands. _

_"You're not jealous, are you?" he asked, cautious. "I mean—"_

_"Dude, who the hell do you think you are?" I snapped, meeting his eyes. The nerve of this nerd. Did he really think I was still hung up over a meaningless, high-school relationship? Besides, it had been a while since I thought of the good old Seattle days. My days in L.A. had been way too busy being spent with Cat to really occupy thoughts about some stupid ex. "You come barging in Los Angeles out of nowhere, put me in a freakin' hospital, and now you're spouting out this... stuff?"_

_"I didn't put you here, Sam, you crashed out of nowhere," he rolled his eyes. "I was just doing you a favor."_

_Favor, he said. I clenched my fists, my teeth gritted. When I spoke, it was soft and murderous. Two little words. "Get. Out."_

**...**

"Sam, are you okay?" Cat's voice broke into my head like another distant noise from somewhere else.

We'd reached my room and she was seated on the bed. I'd told her to hold on because I wanted to use the bathroom, but really it was just this stupid pain in my head. Like a stinging, throbbing kind of pain. An excruciating mixture of both. I tried massaging my head, my fingers pressed on both sides of my forehead, but nothing helped. I was getting flashbacks again and they were more vivid than the usual. I'd thought of finally telling my doctor about it once I get back to Seattle, but standing there in a bathroom in some cheap, New York hotel, all I could think of was, too late.

"I'm fine," I called back. "Just feeling a little dizzy."

**...**

_"You're going home today?" Freddie asked as he stepped in carefully._

_I'd just swung my legs to the side of the hospital bed, my nurse handing me a crutch. Freddie had been visiting me every day after our first encounter. Every time he'd bring in some ugly bouquet of random flowers, and after he left I'd drop it in the bin by my bedside table. Every day, every time he entered, I'd stay silent and just glare murderously at him. Hating him for ruining that day. For making me crash._

_"God, Sam, you're always so stubborn," he muttered as I slapped his arm away when he tried to help me walk from the bed to the bathroom._

**...**

I stepped out gingerly into the hotel room. Cat was looking up at me, her eyes studying my face, her eyebrows raised. Was she concerned, or confused? It was kind of frustrating, not being able to read someone you thought was such an open book back then. This whole growing up deal was really starting to get to me. "What?" I asked her.

"Nothing. It's just that you were... shaking your head," she said, demonstrating by shaking her head frantically, the brunette locks swinging by her face, bouncing off her dimpled cheeks.

"So what?" I frowned. I only did it to shake off the flashbacks. They were really coming at me. Something really was wrong.

"So, that's what I used to do if my thoughts were occupied," she explained, smiling at me reassuringly. "Occupied by displeasant things."

"Un," I corrected. "_Un_pleasant things."

She _hmm_'d, smiling to at some memory I must not have been aware of. "So, what's so unpleasant?"

**...**

_"You know I wouldn't be here if it weren't for your stupid ass wandering around L.A. like you even belong here!" I screamed, my neck elongated so I could slightly tower over Freddie. "Now quit bugging me and leave me alone!"_

_We were only feet away from each other, yelling two different things at the same time. He was getting all riled up too, and I couldn't figure out why. He had absolutely no right to be pissed over anything. Whatever it was, I thought, it was probably something insignificant anyway._

_"You think you belong here, in Los Angeles?" he screamed back._

_"Yes! I'm happy here, I have everything I need and I'm finally far away from the things I hate," I yelled, my face inches from his. Spit flew everywhere. I didn't care. I was too pissed, too heated. I wanted to go home, to Cat, without Freddie interfering. I just wanted life in L.A. to get back to the way it was before I saw him._

_"You're wrong," he said, taking a step back. He was quiet all of a sudden._

**...**

Cat was singing. She was singing and humming, and she was good. Yeah, even at humming. I didn't know the song, but at least it distracted me a little from the flashbacks. They were really starting to get to me, I was kind of sweating too.

I sat there on my bed and observed her as she fidgeted with her fingers, checking her painted nails. She was a crazy good singer, and I resented all those times I'd spent with her, and never hearing her sing until four years later.

"Is that for the show?" I asked.

"Yeah," she nodded, a self-satisfied smile appearing in her face. "You like it?"

"It sounds great," I smiled. "_You_ sound great."

"Well, thank you!"

**...**

_I heard the door swing open, I heard the tiny, strained gasp. I heard her heavy breathing. I heard it all because every other sense was blocked. Robbed from me, out of nowhere._

_Freddie, that stupid nerd, he tasted like toothpaste, minty and cold. More than anything, he tasted like guilt. He'd stepped up and pulled me into a kiss during our shout-fest. I can't even remember what we were saying before it. Or if we even did say anything. And then my greatest fear happened._

_I pulled away. At least, I think I did. Or I might have shoved him violently in the liver. I still can't remember it completely._

_"Sam?" Cat asked. She was standing there by the door, her mouth open. Her eyes staring at where Freddie was, just seconds ago._

_"Cat, this is... I, uh..." I stuttered, gesturing wildly and nonsensically at Freddie, who stood there with his head bowed low, like the coward he always was. "This is my friend, Freddie."_

_"I know him," Cat replied, sweet but curt. "I've seen him on iCarly. He's the camera guy."_

_"Well, technically I'm also the tech—" Freddie began, but I shot him a look._

_"He usually comes in the morning, that's why you never see him, so I don't know what he's doing here right now," I said, looking straight at Cat._

_Cat stood there, looking back and forth from Freddie to me. And then, she broke into a smile, her hands clasped together like an excited aunt._

_"I think it's sweet that he's visiting you," she said. "I heard you were coming home today, but if he's here then I guess I'll just wait home."_

**...**

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, _no_.

Cat was still singing, completely unaware of what was going on in my head. Of the rising dread in my heart, the stupid stomachache I was getting from the nerves. The flashbacks have reached their climax. No. No, no, no, no. Four years of therapy and going to different psychiatrists and they couldn't figure out what happened. All they did was give me drugs to calm down. To relax. All this time, they egged me on, they pressured me to try and make me remember something I must have subconsciously decided to forget. And all it took was an encounter with Cat to bring it all back.

I remembered then. I remembered it all. I remembered why I was so pissed, why I wanted so bad to leave, to punish Cat. To show her just how pissed I was. Everything felt so wrong. Not just the flashbacks, but the present too. Me sitting there in a hotel room with Cat who was so busy singing and humming, she couldn't tell I was breaking apart inside. Crumbling into tiny, pathetic pieces of guilt and regret. She looked over at me, her lips tight together, humming still. She smiled.

"Cat," I said, softly. Slowly.

She smiled still, but her humming quieted. "Hmm?"

"_Why_?"

She frowned, still smiling. "Why what?"

"Why weren't you pissed about Freddie kissing me?"

* * *

**Yo, yo, yo. Keep reviewing and let me know what you think so far? **

**Personally, I feel like this chapter was heavy on the dialogue, but I thought if I didn't exclude the lengthy descriptions I've prepared, it'd be too cluttered and... dull? This was already a rather lengthy chapter. And besides, the descriptions here aren't too significant plot-wise, so I'm hoping it wouldn't be too much of a problem.**

**For y'all heavy Puckentine shippers (like me) or just non-fans of Seddie, don't you worry. This is as Seddie-ish as the story gets. From here on out, it's the Puckentine ship to (hopefully) the end!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Surprise, surprise! Here's the long overdue update to SHINY. I am officially the laziest, most non-committal fanfic writer you've ever met. I know, I know, why did I even bother coming back? I really let you down this time. Over two months of no updates? Boo!**

**Seriously, though. I'm sorry for that. But I'm here to make it up to you... Um, better late than never?**

* * *

**5pm**

Four years. Four years of "getting better", all down the drain. There was nothing about the situation that felt remotely good. The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them. I hated the way it looked, how Cat's smile disappeared, how she recoiled away from me. Her reactions were immediate. More than anything, I hated the way it felt. It _hurt_ to see her physically move away like that, and for me to not know what she was thinking in her head. It felt as if the way she had physically changed might have changed her inside, too.

"Why would you bring _that_ up?" she asked. She nearly screamed it at me. I could see the veins in her little neck, looking _way_ out of place. Her face, looking uncharacteristically _furious_. Everything about the current situation was... uncharacteristic. Of her. Of me.

"I'm sorry, I just - I need to know," I replied, soft. Strained. Controlled.

"You couldn't let it go, all these - all these _years_?" then she was positively yelling. No holds barred. "It's been _five_ years, Sam. I saw you today and I almost didn't say 'hi'... I - I thought we were done about that - that stuff! This was going so _well_!"

"Cat, calm down," I said, holding my arms up, as if that would do anything. "I'm sorry. Okay? You don't have to answer it."

And then she did calm down. She took really deep breaths, her eyes closed, serene. And within those ten seconds of calm silence, I realized how much she's _really_ changed. How she's not just the ditzy, panicky redhead I once knew. And how much of a mistake it was for me to bring the past up like that. Out of nowhere.

I was wrong, of course, all along. She _was_ mad. She was probably furious. That's why she left the hospital immediately. Obviously. That's why... That's why Robbie was there when I came home that other time? Everything was making sense and _not _making sense in my head. Was she as mad as this, then? Could she be?

I almost felt like hitting myself in the face. What had I expected? That she would just give me a straight answer? What kind of answer had I even expected? Funny, how you pop a question and find tinier little questions come from it. The cycle is vicious, and I understood that it was exactly why I should have taken therapy more seriously, and why I shouldn't have just "forgotten" my pills back home.

**...**

_"You have to come, Sam! It's a big deal!" she said, clinging on to my hands._

_We had just finished another babysitting session. She was showing me her graduation robes. True to Hollywood Arts' style and belief in freedom of expression, the __robes must have been customized for each student. Cat's was soft pink, verging on light purple. The material was shiny, the kind that makes you itchy when you sweat too much. On top of the graduation cap is an engraved writing, cursive and in deeper pink this time, reading "Cat Valentine, YAY!"_

_"I don't know, Cat... I mean, me and schools - we don't match," I said, shrugging. "What do people even do at graduations?"_

_"They hand me my diploma, and then someone smart or cool or nerdy makes an inspiring speech," Cat explained. "And then... that's it! I'll be free!"_

**...**

And then Cat did the most un-Cat thing she'd ever done to me. She shoved me. She shoved me right on the shoulders, and she was crying, and maybe yelling too. And I just stood there, taking it from her. I didn't even try and stop her - counterattack, block, anything. The most un-Sam thing I could do in the situation.

"You're the one kissing your ex-boyfriend, and it's _my_ fault?" she asked, defiant.

"Cat, I'm sorry, okay?" I tried. "I'm sorry I kissed Freddie. I didn't know what was - I didn't know what I wanted. At the time. I thought _you_ didn't know what you wanted."

"I cared about you, Sam!" she exclaimed, her arms waving wildly. Mad. "I always did, from the start. _You_. You always push people away from you, that's why! Jade told me I should give up, Robbie told me I should give up, but I didn't! I didn't because I cared!"

"Robbie told you you should give up?" I asked, distracted. _Of course_ he would tell her to give up on me, so _he_ could keep chasing after her. Of course. Cat, why couldn't you see that? Why couldn't you see that now?

"Robbie is _not_ the problem," Cat snapped. "He never was."

"Robbie was in love with you, Cat," I corrected. "He was always a problem - for me, at least."

**...**

_"Hey, what's gonna happen? I mean, like, you know," I asked, "After your graduation?"_

_We were outside, right where my motorcycle was parked. Cat wanted to see stars, but after an hour of hanging around outside, we realized we couldn't see anything and we were too lazy to move the picnic mattress and the food back inside, so we stayed there, pretending like we could actually see the stars._

_"Well, I can start working," she started, "I could sing, act, dance, you know -"_

_"No, I know that part," I interrupted. "I mean, what's gonna happen to... like, us?"_

_She frowned, confused by the question._

_"Um, nevermind," I said, waving the conversation off with one hand._

_We were quiet for a bit. Awkward. She was looking at me, frowning still, but I avoided her stare. Finally, she spoke. "You'll... come with me, right?"_

_I looked up at her, meeting her eyes. "Come with you - where?"_

_"Wherever I'm going, for work," she shrugged. "I'll probably have to move, right? When I get enough money?"_

_"Well - I mean," I stuttered, my eyes automatically floating away from hers again. "I mean, you know, if you want me to -"_

_She cut me off, lunging forward with her arms open, knocking over the soda cans in front of her. I caught her just in time in an awkward but tight one-armed hug. "I want you to. Please?" she whispered, tiny and soft, in my ear._

**...**

"Robbie is one of my best friends!" Cat denied. "That's it. That was always it!"

"You've kissed him like, how many times!" I fought back. The heat re-entering my face. My breaths quick and nervous. Control... _Control_.

"I never kissed him again after I met _you_," she replied in a harsh whisper.

"Look - Cat, I'm _sorry_ I kissed Freddie. I really am," I said, louder. Like saying something louder than her dangerous whisper could undo the past hour. "I _don't_ love him anymore. I didn't, at the time. When I - when I kissed him. That's why, I don't know, it just... happened."

"And then you _left_," she said. A tear streamed down her face. A single tear. Slow, threatening. "After all that, you left."

"I - I know, I know," I mumbled, looking down at my feet.

"I called you! A million times!" she retorted, pointing at me, her finger shaking in my face.

That was true. The first few weeks after I left her place, my phone wouldn't shut up. Half the calls were from Dice, Nonna, even Freddie... but the other half was all Cat. I couldn't bring myself to pick up. What was I supposed to do after some soppy apologetic moment? Come back with my motorcycle and my packed bag? Act like nothing happened? No. I had way too much immature _pride_ at the time. I couldn't just come waltzing back. What was I supposed to say to Dice and Nonna, who probably thought I did something _criminal_ to Cat, to hurt her like that?

...

_Cat was letting me go after the hug on the picnic mattress, and then it happened. It happened so quickly, so randomly, I couldn't believe that I was the one initiating it._

_She had pulled back, swift and light, and her right cheek brushed against my right cheek, and in that split second of a brush, I thought of that day when I had to say goodbye to Carly, and even Freddie, and Seattle... And I thought about the day of the garbage truck, and how I really hadn't planned to stay... How if it weren't for Cat, I'd have been elsewhere by then. How different my life would be if it weren't for her. Everything came to me in a flash, in that split second when her mouth was closest to mine than I would ever allow it to._

_So I did it. I grabbed her arm before she could pull away completely, and I leaned forward, and she had frozen, and just like that, our lips touched. It was a quick one. I could have missed, too. It was a clumsy, kindergarten-style kind of kiss. Shy, but eager. My face was hot by the time we both kind of pulled away. I couldn't look her in the eyes. I couldn't see her initial reaction. It was the first time I ever started anything._

_The whole time I lived with Cat, I feel like every good deed I did to and for her was simply a reaction to her problems. I never took initiative to do something for her if it weren't already apparent that something needed to be done. I was her knight in shining armor but only when she'd act damsel in distress - which was a lot of the times, sure, but still... That was the first time I ever did something for her - to her - without her starting._

_"That was stupid," I remarked, just to punctuate the awkward moment._

**...**

"Don't cry," I said, hesitantly wiping her tear stricken cheeks with my two thumbs. I half expected her to push me away, or pull me into one of her hugs, but she did neither. She stood there as I wiped her tears for her, and again, like all the other times today, I wished I could know just what she was thinking.

"I had to go back to my doctors after you left," she said, frowning at me. But at least she was calm.

"Me too," I shrugged. "It was a stupid move, leaving. I didn't realize I really didn't - I didn't have anywhere to go, after I left."

"You could have come back. It would've been okay," she was breathing slowly, her voice was quiet but hoarse from all the screaming.

"Are we... okay, now?" I asked, unsure. Doubtful. Nervous. Terrified. Please, let's just be okay.

"I don't know," she shrugged, looking away. "Today was a mistake, Sam. I'm sorry."

"It really was," I sighed. Letting my hands drop to my sides. Of course. How could I have expected any different answer? "Everything I did after I left, up to this day, they've been mistakes. Classic me, right? But - hey, I'm glad at least one of us was doing fine. And I mean that, Cat. I'm really happy for you." I flashed her the fakest and weakest of smiles. If I didn't sound like I meant it, I could at least _look_ like I meant it... right?

Evidently, that was the wrong thing to say, because instantly, she burst into tears. "What are you _saying_?" she spat between sobs. "How could you say that? _Fine_? I was never fine after that day, Sam! I - I keep thinking you'd -"

No, no, no, no, no. My mind was chanting the usual mantra... No, no, no. But physically, I couldn't stop myself. Like four years ago, I grabbed her by the arm and I kissed her. Except this time, it was longer. I could feel her tears, warm against my cheek. It wasn't a shy, childish move anymore. It was bolder, it was more open. I was more vulnerable in that one prolonged moment than I ever was in my life.

But more than anything, I was thankful she didn't pull away, or push _me_ away. She kissed me back like I never knew and expected she could. We leaned into each other, her hands at the sides of my face. We were in sync. Odd couple dynamic? Scratch out the 'odd', because there was nothing odd about it at the moment. Everything felt right, at long last. It almost felt like I'd traveled all the way to New York knowing exactly that this moment would come. How I wished we could just melt into each other. Get closer to each other even more than we already were. All these years I've been expecting her to pull away, but she never lets me down like that. I should've realized that earlier. I should've realized I couldn't possibly push Cat away because, well, she'd just always be there for me.

Right at that moment, I thought, naive as ever, what could _possibly_ go wrong? I have the girl I really, really like here in my arms and I'm going to go see her sing and act in an actual play for the first time in my life in a couple of hours. Nothing would stop that, right?

And as life would have it, I was wrong. The door swung open like the buzzer buzzed 'Wrong!'.

Freddie Benson stood in the doorway, his mouth open just as wide as his eyes were. I pulled away first. The whole time I had been thankful _she_ didn't pull away, I ended up being the first and quickest to do so. Way to go, Puckett, you little idiot.

"Is - is that...?" he stuttered, half pointing at me, half pointing at Cat.

* * *

**So... Two more chapters to the end of _this_ story! If you've been keeping up, and if you enjoy this one, I thank you for sticking around and leaving reviews and just, for being nice. Really, I do. They motivated me, if anything, and they were one of the reasons I came back. **

**I promised you shippers more Puckentine, so here you are!**

**Two more chapters now... Bear with me? :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well, well, well. Guess who decided to update so soon? You guys, I can't believe some of you are still reading this story! I honestly didn't think I'd get reviews or anything from the last chapter because it was just so out of the blue, and I'd abandoned this for a while, and I just thought you'd given up... But thanks for not doing so!**

**Here's your latest in SHINY, aka Puckentine with a sprinkle of drama, drama, drama...**

* * *

**6pm**

Seven. He said he'd be back by _seven_. Don't go anywhere, he said. I'll be back by seven, he said. Everything was going so _well_. I'd go to Cat's show, rush back before seven, and meet him back in the hotel . And then we'd be back to Seattle like nothing ever happened. It was all going so well - granted, it was rather last minute on my part, but still - if he'd only stuck to his part of the plan... _Damn_ you, Fredbag.

"So _this_ is why you wanted to come with me?" he asked, trying his best to sound calm. I could tell. He was shaking, his voice was cracking. "To New York? You knew she'd be here."

"I didn't," I replied.

"Yet here she is, Sam!" he yelled, jabbing his stupid finger toward her.

"I didn't know she'd be here," I said. "We just met today."

"Then can _someone_ tell me what's going on?" he came in and shut the door behind him. Suddenly the air was tight. Tense. Toxic. I couldn't breathe, not slowly enough to stay calm, not quickly enough to keep breathing.

"You tell him, Sam," a soft, foreign voice chimed in from next to me.

I turned around, feeling completely silly. In the panic of the moment, I'd forgotten there was a third person in the room. It's even more silly when you realize the third person is the most _important_ person. I know I'm sounding like I wasn't taking the moment seriously, but everything happened way too fast throughout the day, and I hadn't expected to meet Cat at least for another ten years or so but I did, and I had completely forgotten about Freddie and how this whole trip to New York was his idea in the first place, and then there he is, and right at that moment I was trapped between one unexpected element and one forgotten element, and the whole timing was so perfect I just wanted to laugh at how unfair the universe was being to me.

"You said you'd forgotten about - about Los Angeles," Freddie spoke. Back to reality. "You _told_ me therapy was doing well."

Cat was going farther and farther away from me. She was taking little, cautious steps, but I could feel the physical distance. The space between us growing, and my need to follow wherever she was going. My need to close that gap. I was breathing fast then, thinking of the perfect thing to say, the perfect getaway. All I wanted, at that moment, was for Freddie to have postponed his entrance for just about five minutes, because _damn_ I really wanted to finish that kiss. It was supposed to be the perfect ending.

"Sam, say something!" he exclaimed. He was really mad, and a little irritated by the situation, but he was also careful. I could tell he was wondering if I'd burst into one of my usual violent tirades, but who am I kidding? I had no right to.

I was in the wrong. I realized that, and hated myself for it. Did I really think I'd be able to get away with watching Cat's show _and_ going back to Seattle with Freddie in one night? I was so mistaken, having done the wrong calculations, thinking the wrong way. All this time, I'd kept Freddie in the equation, planning to hide it from Cat - because she didn't have to know, she honestly didn't... it would make things worse, and it did - and I realized all along that it was up to me. That I was supposed to make my decision four years ago, and I had missed that chance like the idiot I was... Was I going to miss it now?

"I love..." I started, my voice shaking, my eyes unsteady, looking at nowhere in particular. "I love... Cat."

**...**

_"I miss my Nonna," Cat announced one day. It was only around two weeks after I'd officially moved in with her._

_"Go to Elderly Acres," I said, rooted to the couch. Our new couch. The one I kinda sorta stole off the That's A Drag! set. Yeah, I remember now. "And try and see if you can get free cheeseburgers on the way."_

_"No," Cat replied, her face falling into a deep-thought frown. "It's not the same... When I come back home, she'd still be in Elderly Acres."_

_"Isn't that - isn't that the point?" I asked._

_She didn't seem to hear me. She was really deep in thought. She looked upset too, and I'd always hated seeing her upset - our new living room set being concrete evidence of that. I studied her troubled little face for a minute before adding, "Well, when you come home, there'll be me. Right? And I know it's not the same, but we'll be babysittin' toddlers and annoying little kids, and I'll be causing havoc while you keep me under control, and so... well, you'll always have new stories to tell to your Nonna whenever you visit her. Right?"_

_That oughta do it. Her frown faded - not completely, but still - and a slight smile formed on her face. "You're right," she agreed, taking a seat next to me on the couch. She touched me lightly on my knee and said, looking straight into my face, "Sam, I know... I know you don't have to stay here forever, but you're not gonna leave that soon, right?"_

**...**

"I can see _that_," Freddie retorted, all bitter and butthurt. "But you _left_. Remember?"

I stayed quiet, looking down. I could hear Cat's little movements somewhere behind me. Uncomfortable and fidgety.

"You left, and you came to _me_," he continued.

"Is that true?" Cat blurted out before I could respond. I spun around instinctively, fast enough to catch the look on her face. Not good. Definitely not good. Those wide eyes, that deep frown, her mouth gaping open... I was never a big fan of that look on her face.

"Yes," I replied, prolonged. Careful. Afraid. "But _only_ because I didn't have anywhere to go."

The two of them were dead silent. I wasn't looking at them, but I could feel them glaring at me. Judging me. Me and my stupid decisions. Me and my shameless confession. They weren't saying anything, so I felt the need to elaborate. To defend myself.

"I didn't know what I was doing, okay?" I said, more to _her_ than to _him_, trying hard not to yell the words out. Believe me. Listen to me. Give me a chance. I was stupid, yes, _real_ stupid. But listen to me this one time. Please. "After I left, I realized I didn't have anywhere to go. I couldn't call Spencer because I-"

"Spencer?" Cat interrupted, alert.

"Carly's brother," Freddie replied, holding his hand up toward Cat. Let Sam talk, the look on his face says. Let's see what she comes up with. "Not another boyfriend or girlfriend, thankfully."

"Shut up," I snapped. I turned my back to him, facing Cat. I contemplated getting a hold of her two hands, to emphasize on my sincerity, but I was too scared she'd pull away. So I kept my arms stiff, glued to my sides, and said to her, soft and serious, "Cat, what I did was stupid and - and mean. I'm stupid, and I'm mean. But I'm here right now, with you, here in New York-"

"You came here with _me-"_

"Freddie for the last time," I snarled, still keeping my back to him. "Shut. Up."

I turned my attention back to Cat. "Look, I'm here. And I - I care about you, and I love you," I paused, feeling the words leave my mouth. The words I'd spared for more romantic situations in my head. The weight of the last three words hung in the air, the space between me and her thickening. "I love you, and I'm not going anywhere."

Cat wasn't looking at me at that point. Her eyes were glistening in almost-tears, but her gaze was blank. Directed at no one in particular. Did she hear everything I said? Did I say them properly? Did I mumble? I couldn't tell.

"You're going back to Seattle," she said. It wasn't a question. It was definite. Sure. Absolute. A statement. A... reminder?

**...**

_"Of course I'm not gonna leave that soon," I reassured, "I only just got here! Besides, you never know when a garbage truck might want to eat you up again. I mean - who's gonna save you then?"_

_Cat smiled at me. Genuine and sweet. Appreciative. Those were the good, easy days. Her smiles were real and infectious, and they made appearances every time something little and seemingly insignificant happened. That was Cat Valentine to me, that was what got me hooked. That little things could make her so happy and gleeful, and you could watch her turn into this fluffy thing of pure childish joy, and it would make you smile too. Just like that. That was why I wanted to stick around in the first place._

_I wanted to know what went on behind all the smiles and giggles. I wanted to get to know her better, see if I could get rid of all the negativity I brought with me from Seattle. It wasn't just about taking care of her, protecting her, doing things for her... I did it for me, too. I was happy and calm just having her around, and that was better than any therapy, any session with any doctor._

_"Thank you, Sam," she said. Smiling still._

_I melted, just like that. That someone could appreciate my presence, even though I'm rude and obnoxious and mean and sarcastic, was a concept so new to me it overwhelmed me. Nevermind that we'd only known each other for two weeks then. Nevermind that she wasn't the kind of girl I would normally allow being around me, nevermind that she wasn't Carly._

_Cat was therapy for me. She was anger-management. She was stress relief. And she didn't even need to do much in order to be those things for me._

_And I know what people say, that "love" can't replace medication. That if you need help, you need help... But maybe all I needed was someone appreciative of me. Someone who would stop me from going bad without patronizing me, without reminding me that they're a much better human being than I am. Carly was that someone for a long time, and I love her for that, until she left to Italy._

_Cat was my chance to restart, and it worked._

**...**

"Our flight's _tonight_," Freddie reminded. "In case you forgot."

Cat sighed. "You heard him." She was walking away now. Towards the door. Freddie backed away, making way for her. Goddamn Freddie.

"I don't - I don't care, maybe I want to stay," I said, defiant. This was directed more towards Freddie than to her, but I suppose it was a little to both.

"And throw away everything you had in Seattle?" he asked, eyebrows raised. "You finally have a job, you have a place of your own. You worked hard for all that. What are you gonna do in New York?"

"Shut up," I snapped again.

"I have to go," Cat said, not looking at me, her hand on the doorknob. "My show's starting soon."

"Cat, wait-"

"That's okay, I waited long enough," she replied airily, halfway on the doorway. I couldn't see her face. I couldn't tell if she was crying, or smiling. Her voice was quiet and soft, like the usual Cat, but something was different. "Take care, Puckle."

"Cat-"

The door was shut. It was that quick. No more Cat. Band-aid ripped off, one swing. In a fight, it's the kind of punch that hits you so squarely on the jaw, it's an instant knockout.

Freddie wouldn't look at me. He walked to the bed where our packed bags sat. Prepared hours ago because he didn't want to leave anything by accident.

Funny, you walk in the room with a person and you don't notice a lot of things, because you are with _that_ person, and nothing else in the room matters. It struck me then that Cat would have seen the two bags if she were being a lot more attentive than I was. Even more with the fact that I'd left her out there alone while I was battling the headache in the bathroom.

Had she known, then, that I wasn't alone in New York after all?

With Cat out of the room, everything in it began to reappear in my eyes, as if they weren't there when _she_ was. The packed bags, and then a piece of paper next to them. Left there. A ticket.

A plane ticket? No... I went over and picked it up, my eyes straining to read what it says. My ears buzzing. Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat... Where was she now? Did she make it okay to the theater, for her show? Did she stop somewhere to cry, maybe? Please, please cry. Please cry, because I would be crying right then and there if I weren't mean, tough Sam Puckett.

No. It was a ticket to a theater. My ears buzzed, louder and louder. Realization sinking in, headaches in and out. _It was a ticket to her show_. She'd left it for me, right next to my packed bag. Was it on purpose, or did she plan to take it back but didn't, in all that rush to leave? Did she leave it to give me that last chance? To test me? She _used_ to be forgetful, I remembered that much, but is she still, _now_?

"What's that? Let me see-" Freddie began, walking over toward me, his hand reached out.

I slapped it away before it got too close. Stuffed the ticket in my jeans pocket. I didn't want him contaminating it. My secret with Cat.

"Look, I'm sorry about-" he started again, but I pushed past him. Shoved through him, to the bathroom. "Sam, I'm sorry," he repeated.

I studied my face in the mirror. Sweaty, angry, disturbed. Today did _not_ go the way I'd wanted it to, and the way I'd expected my unexpected reunion with Cat would. Everything just happened too _fast_ - was it the pills? Should I have taken them with me? Or was it the guilt? But I already explained. I apologized. I told her I loved her. And I did, I really did. I still do. What did I do wrong? What could I have done to stop her from walking away? There must have been something I missed...

My mind was reeling. I'd never done that much thinking in my life. Everything else I did up to that day, they were decisions made on impulse. Maybe it was time for me to grow up and start actually thinking before doing. What would happen if I showed up at her show? What's the _worst _that could happen? I _do_ have my ticket... Would it be too late? Would I get that second chance - that _last_ chance - to talk to her? Explain _everything_? Apologize some more? Show her I meant it all, show her I'd _really_ stay for her? Would it work? My mind flew back to the romantic-comedies she used to make me sit and watch. Endings like that happen all the time, but _everyone_ knows real life doesn't work that way... Should I risk it anyway? She would have liked it, right? If I tried to imitate a rom-com ending for her? I mean -

"Sam, we should be in the airport in an hour," Freddie called out to me. His voice seeping into my head, slowly, haunting. Like from a distance.

"I know," I replied. Calm and controlled. Breathe, in, out, breathe...

"Well, are you coming?" he asked. I could hear the hesitation in his voice. Even _he_wasn't sure of what my answer would be. And somehow, that made me feel better. That he wasn't really expecting me to say "Yes" straightaway. He took a loud, audible breath. His shuffling feet on the fancy hotel room carpet is crisp and clear in my ears. More hesitation, and then he added, "Are you coming, with me?"

* * *

**Dun, dun, dunn...**

**I am _so_ stoked to finish this story. It'll be my first completed multichapter if all goes according to plan. **

**Anyway, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed chapter four. Like, really, honestly, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you, for sticking around and for still being interested in the story.**

**Um, well - see you next chapter? It's the finale, you guys...**


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